


After Glow

by harcane



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Horror, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 09:42:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2186976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harcane/pseuds/harcane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The merge of Anders and Justice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Iustum

  


>   
> _Do your actions mention, your heart's intentions,_  
>  _We'll find out_  
>  _We'll find out_  
>  _Is your mind mistaken, is your conscience not at ease,_  
>  _We'll find out_  
>  _We'll find out_  
>  _\----- **Timber Timbre,**_ _We'll Find Out_  
> 

Delicate swirls of white-blue spun themselves around the area of rot. Justice paid no attention to it. Instead, he quietly watched Anders' face as he used his magic.

"This won't work forever," Justice stated bluntly, shattering their silence.

Anders smirked, still concentrating hard on restoring the flesh. "Justice! Are you _actually_ doubting me right now?"

"No, never," Justice stated without hesitation then he lowered his voice, "It has worked thus far but... Kristoff's body wants to return to the soil. I can _feel_ it." 

Anders glanced up at him and then away, just as quickly. It hadn't escaped Justice's notice that Anders failed to look him in the eyes. In Kristoff's eyes.

"Anders," Justice said, trying to coax a response out of him but he silently refused. He kept looking down; his hands now void of magic. Justice even thought he saw Anders very softly shaking his head.

"Even if, through a miracle, you could keep doing this for me... it isn't right. I need another plan."

"No..." Anders began, "This'll work... maybe we could even use herbs, as well. Something topical. I could start doing these healing sessions twice a day, instead of twice a week! We could also---"

Justice cut him off, raising his voice, "This isn't what I want! It is immoral!"

Anders' eyes went wide; he wasn't accustomed to seeing Justice frustrated with himself. A painful silence fell between them.

Justice thought about the bewildered mage sitting before him. This mage still had many years ahead of him. There was so much time for him to save humanity from the darkspawn. There were so many things he could do for his fellow mages. Instead, the mage spent most of his evenings desperately trying to mend and preserve a corpse, a thing that would inevitably expire. He cared about what happened to him. Before, Justice spent several weeks thinking of Anders as the most selfish, insufferable mortal he had ever met. Justice examined the mage, who was now biting his lip as if he were trying very hard to stop himself from saying something. Justice continued examining the mage. Before him, he saw a friend who just happened to be the most selfless person he had ever met.

Anders' face was flushed. His brows furrowed and relaxed repeatedly as Justice watched him. His mind over exhausted, Anders rest his head in his hand. It was his turn to interrupt the silence.

"Justice... what _do_ you want? I feel helpless; I don't know what more to do."

"I would have wanted a body of my own. I would have done everything in my power to help your mages from the templars... and everyone from the wretched darkspawn," he confessed, his expression softening, "What I wanted... was to be mortal. I would do what I could for the world and die and return to the Fade, finally content."

"But that can't happen," Anders said quietly.

"No, it would seem it can't," he replied. "I must focus on what I can do for Kristoff. I have... overstayed a welcome that was never given to me. Aura needs to be given her husband's body. They both deserve their peace."

Anders never answered him. He couldn't stand the thought of losing his friend. Neither of them were sure what would even happen to Justice upon leaving Kristoff's body. Would he even be able to inhabit something, or someone, again? Would he return to the Fade? If so, would Anders ever be able to find him again?

Justice continued. "I am Justice. I was created knowing I will always be working, always striving. I was never meant to be content; there will always be injustices in the world."

Anders cracked a weak smile. "That's for sure."

"I would like to think on this more. As should you, Anders. I... would very much appreciate your input."

"Of course. We'll come up with something," Anders promised him, smiling. He wore a mask of hopefulness but Justice could see through it. Anders was worried.


	2. Retinentia

> _Do you forget what you tried to remember?_  
>  _Do you remember what you tried to forget?_  
>  _Oh, woman_  
>  _It's an omen, this is it_  
>  _But I forget what I tried to remember,_  
>  _I remember all I tried to forget.  
> _ \----- **_Timber Timbre,_** Woman  
> 

  
The next morning had been particular dreary at Vigil's Keep. As Claudia walked through the halls of the Vigil, she noticed Anders, who had begun to turn the corner and turned right back around once she had been in his sight.

"Anders!" she called to him but he only started walking faster, away from her.

Claudia rushed towards Anders and grabbed his arm, causing him to spin around. "Anders.. what is your problem? You've been avoiding me. And everyone else in the keep, from what I hear."

"Nothing," he told her, shaking his arm free, "I just... forgot something."

"Your common courtesy, perhaps?" she said with a raised brow.

"Says the woman who grips people without warning..." he shot back, in a muffled tone. "I'm not in the mood to talk."

"Okay, sure. Maybe not," then her tone softened, "But still, you haven't been yourself. I want to know what's going on."

"What do you care? You're 'Warden Commander' now, why are you so concerned about someone like me?"

"We came from the same place. If something's bothering you, I want to know."

Anders bit his lip and threw the side of his fist to the wall. He turned back towards her but said nothing. He only exhaled.

"Anders," she repeated, "You can tell me anything; you know this. Nothing has changed."

"Except time, right?" he retorted in a bitter tone, shaking his head.

"Stop," she demanded, narrowing her brows, "What is wrong with you?"

Anders said nothing, biting his lip even harder. Claudia even noticed he'd also been biting the inside of his cheek.

"I don't expect you to give me the full story; that would be _completely_ out of your nature, right? But.. I know when you're lying. Choose your words carefully, Anders," she threatened, "Now. What's going on that has you like this?"

He narrowed his brows in return. "Don't you have *important* things to worry about? Rather than worry about the likes of me?"

She slapped him hard then pointed a finger at his face and eventually threw her hands at her side. "Do not, for one fucking second, act like I don't care about what happens to you! If something is troubling you, I want to know about it. I want to help. You've been purposely avoiding me for days... why. is. that.?"

He touched his face where she'd slapped him and shot her a scowl but he spoke softly. "I can't tell you," then he paused for a moment, "You can't help me, anyway."

"Of course I can," she protested, "But if you're still going to refuse, I won't pursue it any longer. I'm concerned about you but understand that I must also have the entire keep's well-being in mind. There isn't much that worries you, Anders, so this must be something important," she explained, "Maybe you'll tell me in time... maybe you won't."

For a few desperate moments, Anders said nothing. She had it all wrong. He **wanted** to tell her. He wanted to tell her about every restless night he spent trying desperately to mend Kristoff's corpse for Justice. He wanted to tell her how often he wept at night for the inevitable fate of their friend. He wanted to tell her that they planned to take some sort of action, anything to save him. Just then, Anders was filled with a sense of clarity. He knew what he could do for Justice; he knew what must be done.

"Claudia... do you remember, in the Circle, when we were kids and," he began, then gulped, "...and you told me how desperately you missed your brother and your da?"

Her family, especially her brother, was a sore topic for her and Anders knew that. She crossed her arms. "What does this have to do with it?"

"It has everything to do with it. It has a.. distant connection, anyway, even if I never tell you exactly what that is. I'll ask again: do you remember?"

Claudia was taken aback. "Yes... but I can't believe _you_ remember that. It was shortly after I'd been brought in. That was nearly a decade ago."

"Of course I remember. I stayed up with you all night! You couldn't stop crying or shaking and I didn't even know what to say to you..." he confessed.

She blushed awfully in the face and ears and wore an agitated glare, but allowed him to continue.

"I thought that if I held onto you long enough, or maybe just as tight as I could, that I could make it stop..." he continued, almost laughing as if he were reliving the desperation, "...and I couldn't. You were seething and you and I have held onto such rage ever since."

"Please make your point, Anders."

He sighed, looking down, but donned a weak smile. "My point was that: I think I know how to make it stop now. I'm sorry it took me so long."

Claudia shot him a look of sheer confusion and incredulity but then she smiled at him, which turned to a chuckle. "Can you **be** anymore cryptic right now? Honestly. I'm curious."

"The autonomy you granted the Circle after the Blight was not enough. There shouldn't _be_ any Circles," he explained.

Claudia pursed her mouth, then replied. "Look... yes, I agree. You **know** I agree. We always talked about it. By the Maker, Circle rebellion was our pillow talk half of the time! Setting that aside, though, should I be very concerned about you right now?"

Anders laughed. "No. For once in my life, I'm sure about what I'm doing. I've made a decision," he said, trailing off and remembering Justice, "And I'm sorry. I hope you never have to find out about it."

"I worry for you," she said, shaking her head and sighing, looking down at her feet. She seemed exhausted of Anders' talks, even to this day. He always got so damned emotional and she never dealt very well, especially when it reached this degree. Maybe that's why the two of them didn't work out in the end.

Anders took a step forward and cupped her face in his hands then hesitated for a long moment.

Claudia looked up at him, scanned his face for something. Anything to analyze. She wasn't angry, she wasn't afraid, and she most certainly was not crying. The Hero of Ferelden... that sad, indignant apprentice... made her peace with many things a long time ago.

Anders kissed her forehead lightly and then let go of her. He said nothing and walked off, refusing to look back. He wanted to explain himself to her. Thinking about the predicament with Justice made him consider many things, such as the fact he may not even survive it. For that reason, it wouldn't do well to let her in on this. Claudia would be intrigued, most certainly. Although, Anders knew she would ultimately decide to attempt to stop him, to preserve his life. Anders knew what must be done. He would collect Justice and tell him it was time.


	3. Desiderium

>   
> _Now I see you, trouble._  
>  _It's coming up ahead._
> 
> _I am you now._  
>  _And you are me instead._
> 
> _It is coming now, my friend._  
>  _And it's the end..._  
>  _\----- **Foals,** Moon _  
> 

Anders smiled serenely, kicking his heels against the stone wall of the Vigil. He turned his head slightly to Justice, who had been sitting next to him.

"Did you know I was in love with the Warden Commander?"

"Her name is Claudia, Anders. Why not use her name?" Justice said flatly, unconcerned about his actual confession.

"I don't know. It doesn't feel right anymore. Actually saying a name makes me a little nostalgic, to be honest."

"Do you still love her? You do not have to do this for me. You could go back," Justice replied, gazing at the red sky. The sun was setting against the pitch black silhouette of the trees.

"No! I do love her but... it's different now, if you can understand that," Anders explained, joining him in watching the horizon.

"I do not."

Anders laughed, bowing his head. "That's alright; you don't have to understand it, Justice. I know how I feel and... I feel okay, finally. This is something I have to do."

"I am glad," Justice answered. Then, he waited a moment or so before saying, "Tell me what Claudia did for Ferelden. I am curious to know how the Archdemon was felled."

"That's... a long story. Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"Of course. Time means nothing to me."

A few hours passed as the mage and the spirit discussed what little details of the story of the Blight were known to them. Anders had also collected bits of information here and there from Oghren but Anders was sure they may have been highly exaggerated. They discussed back and forth what they thought to be truth and what was a fabrication of Oghren's.

Anders even began talking to him about his mother and his and Claudia's time in the Circle. He talked about everything that happened in the Circle, both good and bad. He also told Justice about the day the barn burned down and he was taken away.

During a moment of silence, Justice looked up at the sky and watched the stars but he looked more lost in his thoughts than anything.

"Something wrong, Justice?"

"I do not understand how the templars' abuses went unchecked for so long. Is it not enough that the mages face threat from demons of the Fade? Why must they also face threats from the templars as well?"

"It's _because_ of the demons. Templars think all mages will become slobbering abominations..." Anders replied.

"The mundane mortals of this world can also be a danger, without the demons of the Fade. Why are they not concerned about them just as often?" Justice asked, agitation in his tone increasing.

"Oh, it's their warped backward views from the Chantry... 'magic is _probably_ the ultimate evil' and all that."

Justice had nothing to say to that though he still found it hard to understand why mages were not treated the same as the rest of the mortals. All mortals were capable of both great and poor judgment. It was a belief proven more right to him the longer he spent his time amongst them. Every mortal was unique in Justice's eyes.

"I would like to thank you, Anders," Justice began to say, "You have shown me much about the morality of this world. The spirits and demons would have you believe it is all black and white but... no, I believe there are many areas of grey. I will be proud to help you serve these mages when the time comes."

"No, I---I'm glad you think so but don't thank me," Anders objected.

"Why should I not?"

"You are helping me more than I'm helping you," he explained, "Merging yourself with me doesn't exactly solve your problem."

"Merging with me does not guarantee your problems solved either, Anders," Justice said, "We must still face the templars. Besides, you have given me a purpose. If I cannot return to the Fade, I will make the most out of my absence from it with what I have."

"That's... an optimistic way to look at it all," Anders replied, "Most of all, I just wanted to help you."

"Yes," Justice answered, "You always readily help others, Anders. _**That**_ is worthy! All of this started with you wanting to help and yet you asked for nothing in return. But I must give something back; it is the right thing to do."

"I hope it is worthy of you; I want this to work," Anders confessed, "I'm afraid of what might happen. Not to me, but you... I don't want to be responsible for your destruction. I couldn't live with that, knowing I'd done it."

Justice pondered those possibilities for a moment before he spoke. "This is what I want. You cannot blame yourself for something such as that."

"That doesn't make the mistake any more bearable but... you're right. This is what we both want to do. It will happen sooner or later," he told him, "I am ready."

"Then you are certain?"

Anders nodded his head, his lip quivered a little and his hands were shaking. He stood up from where he sat on the battlements of the Vigil. Anders took a moment to look up at the night sky. He quietly prayed to the Maker that he wasn't about to inadvertently let his friend down.

Justice stood up as well, taking a few steps away from the edge. He stood tall, proud. Justice was more than prepared to make what was his potential sacrifice, in honor of the mages of this world. He stood patiently, looking down with hands behind his back, and waited for Anders to gain composure of his own.

It only took Anders a few moments and then he stood before Justice. His eyes looked red and sore but he managed to crack half of a smile.

"Are you prepared, Anders?"

"Ye... y-yes," he mustered out but his voice had been cracking too much. He quickly nodded his head and readied himself.

They each put their hands on the each other's shoulders. The mage and the spirit bowed their heads and closed their eyes, awaiting whatever next may come.


	4. Vindicta

Justice felt a strong sensation that was similar to what he always imagined a persistent and powerful gust of wind to feel like. Spending nearly the entirety of his existence as a spirit, he never knew what that might feel like. Inhabiting a corpse for that short amount of time never helped him either. He couldn't actually feel anything physical; he could only imagine. Although, he was very certain that what he felt in that moment was the closest he would ever be to feeling the fury of the wind.

As he was thrust through this "wind" and bright lights and blurriness, he looked onward to where he was headed, just as he always had.

In all his time as a spirit of the Fade, he did nothing but look ahead. There was never any sense in looking to the past. Everything he did, in the name of justice, never required an explanation. He always did what was expected of himself. Nothing more, nothing less. In practicing justice, action was necessary. There was never time to falter. On the other hand, in his time in Kristoff's corpse and amongst the mortals, he found his views and behavior changing. He began looking back at his actions more and more and started to question them. He began questioning himself.

Did he do the right thing? What were the repercussions of this act? Could he have done _better_? What if his judgment had been wrong? What if he had hurt an innocent in the process? Perhaps that sense of guilt was the one thing that separated him from the demons all along. Before, he never realized it was there; maybe it had always been there.

Because of this, he felt a sense of contentment. He was faulted but he was good and had strong morals and, most of all, he no longer feared becoming a demon.

The wind blew on, just as strong as it had been. Justice felt as if he had been travelling through inconceivably vast spaces and perhaps even a great amount of... time.

Time was another concept he never quite understood, at least not as the mortals did. He had all the time the Maker had to offer; there was all the time in existence for him to continually set things right. In that, he found comfort.

The light and the wind started to feel pressurized, like perhaps he was closer to his destination, wherever that may be. He soared through the last of these sensations and ahead of him he saw darkness, an end to this tunnel. Justice suddenly felt as if there was something, or perhaps someone, he was supposed to remember. He couldn't seem to place it; this experience seemed to last ages. As he neared the darkness, he braced himself.

Justice reached solid stone ground. He was no longer nothingness; he was once more in his spirit form. He felt at home, so grateful to be back again... but his sense of sight and sound returned to him and he was no longer feeling so relieved.

He was standing in the center of a city he did not recognize. Structures lay in ruin while smoke and fire rose from buildings. This was not the Fade; he was still in Thedas.

People ran by him, screaming and fleeing for their lives. Some ran _through_ him. They didn't know he was there. The mortals couldn't see or feel him.

_'What is happening?'_ , he thought, _'What evil could have started this?'_

Justice turned around, looking at what kind of horrid scene might be behind him. A woman in tattered clothing shielded a cowering man in robes. A man in bright polished armor stepped closer to them. There was a ferocity and fearlessness in the woman's eyes as she stared up at the him, continuing to shield the robed man with her own body. She cursed and spit up at the armored man though he did not back off. He brandished his sword and ran it through her. Then, the man in armor tossed her aside and executed the robed man just as quickly.

_"WHAT ARE THEIR CRIMES?!"_ Justice shouted, feeling helpless, _"WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!"_

It was no use. The man in armor nor any of the victims could hear him. He could not touch them and he could not stop them. Justice had no way of putting an end to this chaos. He heard the cries and screams of children some distance off and then.. nothing. There was only the sound of metal boots clanking as the armored men and women moved further on into the city. The fires around him roared and Justice wished it had been enough to drown out the mortals' screams that echoed inside him.

If he could not take action then he would gather information. Justice knew he must find out how this started and why it was happening. Then he would find a way to put a stop to this madness.

He retraced his steps and pressed on, past the area he came from. First, he looked for survivors. He understood there wasn't anything he could do but he still needed to know. If there had been one thing he learned in all his time on Amaranthine, it was that the mortals were strong. They could endure. If he found even one mortal to survive this, it would give him hope that this conflict may be solved and would come to its deserved end. A survivor meant the possibility of justice finding its way to the surface.

Justice still couldn't help but wonder where he was. If he was not to be returned to the Fade then why, at least, was he not atop Vigil's Keep? That was where he had been last. His dear friend, Anders, had agreed to save him from Kristoff's body. In return, he himself had agreed to bring justice to Anders and his fellow mages. This all seemed to have happened mere moments ago but... why was Anders not with him? Weren't they supposed to be one in the same now? What was this horrid city Justice had been thrust in? Apart from the immediate destruction, it had a sinister aura to it and he wished Anders had been there to explain why.

Justice moved further on through the burning city and saw a familiar face, in unfamiliar attire, laying on the ground. He didn't hesitate for one second to rush to his side.  
"Anders!" he shouted as he ran. "Get up! Something is happening... we must take action!"

There was no response. Justice took a few steps closer and stood above his friend, looking down. Now that there had been a better view, Justice noticed the dagger sticking out of his dear friend's back. He panicked, reaching for the blade... and his hand went through it.

"No...." he breathed, "How did this happen...?"

He manuevered himself and examined Anders' face laying on the cold stone. His eyes were open but he was lifeless. There was a small amount of dried blood on the corner of his mouth.

_"NO!"_ Justice cried, instinctively reaching for his friend. His most precious friend.

Then... Justice felt his skin. It was cold, nonetheless, but finally he could feel _something_. What did this mean? How could he touch Anders but not anybody, or anything, else?  
What had happened to Anders while he was gone and why were they not where they had been?

Justice wanted desperately to roll him over, if only he could remove that accursed knife from his back. He knelt down, looking at Anders even closer, though it pained him to do it. Justice examined his features and his friend looked... weary. He looked tired and aged, compared to how he looked whilst at Vigil's Keep. Many things didn't make sense to him. They had only just attempted their merge, so why was Anders in different clothing? Why were they transported to this infernal city? Who murdered Anders and dared to invoke Justice's fury?

_"Garrett Hawke..."_

The voice belonged to nobody; it was not even of his own mind. It was just a small piece of knowledge that seemed to infiltrate Justice's thoughts. He knew what it meant, though. It was the identity of his friend's killer. This name... it sounded strange to him. He did not know it; he knew he didn't. Still, Justice couldn't help but feel he recognized it, even if it was only very faintly. Then, a face that was not familiar to him flashed through his mind. Justice made sure to memorize every detail of it. Surprisingly enough, it hadn't taken much effort to do so and he could not pinpoint why that was.

Justice, still unable to comprehend why fate had done this to the two of them, could not take his eyes off Anders' blank, lifeless face. It was such a change from the Anders he knew... it shamed Justice to see him this way. As an immortal, he knew one day it would come. Though, he hadn't thought it to be so soon and he had always hoped it would never come to something like this. He brushed strands of hair off of the mage's brow.

Justice's expression almost involuntarily became intense. He had been scowling and then he glanced at the corpse before him. Justice grabbed Anders' body by his shoulders and propped him upright to face him.

"Do not worry, my friend. We will have our justice... we will have our _vengeance_ ," the spirit uttered lowly, before grasping Anders' shoulders tighter and letting that welcoming wind and light take him once more.

>   
> _"Those who had sought to claim_   
> _Heaven by violence destroyed it. What was_   
> _Golden and pure turned black._   
> _Those who had once been mage-lords,_   
> _The brightest of their age,_   
> _Were no longer men, but monsters"_   
> **_-Threnodies 12:1_ **   
>   
> 


End file.
